Why I'm breathing .....?!
Hey random person reading this, Hello?? How are you?? Well, not well?? Drunk in despair?? Well, well, well.
I just want you to know that you're not ALONE. You're not the only one that's going through bad stuff and having a hard time figuring your life out, you're not the only one that had a terrible past or an unbelievably screwed childhood.
Cause I'm too?! You dealt with bullying? unfortunately, me too. I was bullied I was body shamed, people would literally call me dead alive like I still remember walking through the hallways of my school hearing everyone calling me names.
it definitely impacted my life tremendously!! I never knew why people always hated on me or tried to bring me down??
I guess I'll never know. Fun fact I was only 6 years old when I was 1st called "ugly", sad right?! I know.
But you know what I never actually believed anything from whatever people said about me!! I don't know How? Or Why? I never did. But sadly it was hard to believe myself either.
Now, that I'm older, I figured out my worth, I figured out my power, I figured out the God's glory within me.
Yes, you heard it right. "God's glory" within me, I believe that God is within everyone, EVERYONE!! And that's what keeps us going.
Another fun fact I was only 10 years old when I 1st thought of ending my life (committing suicide. Hopefully that doesn't trigger you).
Because at that time it didn't even deserve to be called a life! I NEVER DID?! Bec.
I believed that wasn't the time for my life to end. Surprisingly, my parents know nothing about my terrible school days and absolutely no one except for my BEST FRIEND!!
I always had to throw on a fake smile to school, to home, to absolutely everywhere, where I wasn't alone.
It hurts like HELL!! Absolute hell, for you to know that you've to go through all of this alone especially at this very early age.
Looking back at all of that now, it doesn't seem like a great memory to remember, right?? But actually, I'm very blessed and grateful absolutely thankful for all the hurricanes I was thrown into.
Because It only brought me up stronger, it made me the person I'm today, it made me that wise, so sensible early teenager.
It only made me positive, powerful and incredibly confident too. Well!! I know what you're thinking about right now, No, I'm not arrogant or conceited or praising myself or anything.
Well, actually praising yourself isn't a bad thing as long as it's for yourself and not over the top?!! But I admit it, it was a strong hurricane.
OH!! Let me point out something, maybe you're thinking right now, Why didn't she tell her parents?? Well, here's the answer; I believed that it was a long limited time of HELL!! I knew it, I knew it was only gonna get better.
I wanted to have the amazing privilege of going through hell alone, not that my life now is perfect or glamorous, it's still hard. Very hard, but now I'M READY?! So ready if I'm given a storm I'm going to turn it into a hurricane and go through it, honey!!
I've learnt a lot from my sad early life, I've learnt that it gets better, God is always there, and that's random but years down the road you're gonna thank God that you didn't do that one decision and take your life away, God is gonna give you a little thing, for you to realize that it definitely was the worst idea to end your BEAUTIFUL!! Life.
Find your willpower, cause where there's a will there's a way, right?! And let me tell you something, sweetie!! Without your bad days, you would've never figured out how beautiful and incredible of a ride life is.
Years ago I took that decision for granted which made me realize how precious, valuable absolutely priceless life is.
Life is a roller coaster, roller coaster man!! If you hate loopty loops life's gonna give you loopty loops, Hate them but learn how to go through’em, it's like burning a candle at both ends otherwise, you're gonna SUFFER terribly?!
Life is scary, sad, incredible, majestic of a ride. I decided to hang on for that ride.
Because At the end of this road there's a meeting that I've been waiting for a meeting with God??! So if you wanna live, find something to live for, and I'm sure you've a lot to live for. And many years later, you're gonna say "Thank You" lord, thank you God, thank you universe for giving me those little things so that I can live this life now and appreciate it and love it so much.
Because Who would I be without those bad days?? I would've been nothing absolutely nothing but trash!! "I believe that life is like a piano, white keys represent happiness and black keys sadness, but as you go through life's journey remember that the black keys still make MUSIC...."
Like I'm not gonna trade that for the world, I would go through more stuff.
Because Now I know that those bad stuff are only gonna make me stronger, if you just give yourself the opportunity to go through hell, to get punched so many times in life and then prevail and feel strong as ever.
God!! You're gonna feel like the greatest person on earth and now it's so funny because People try to bash me and hate on me, give me stupid ass comments and make remarks on me.
thinking they know me when they know nothing about who I'm really am!! But simply I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!! Cause I love my life, I'm breathing and I'm here and I'm happy with my little not so happy life.
And it's gonna feel good, really good when you go through hell and then you get older and realize and believe that you can get through anything and SURVIVE.
You can get through the worst storm and then another storm comes and another one comes, small or big and you know you can get through that too.
And I'm still young, I'm not done living, I can talk about all I want about the things that I've gone through growing up from childhood, CHILDHOOD!!
Like my earliest memories were sometimes horrific and I know that I'm not done going through pain, I know Imma go through tons of storms and hurricanes like I ain't have one hurricane and then die my life being perfect absolutely not.
And who knows 10 years, 5 years, 1year down the road another storm is gonna come and another, I know things are gonna happen, I know life is gonna happen and the 1st ever storm you go through, the 1st ever thing that's gonna make you feel like there's no tomorrow is only gonna make you stronger and better than ever.
And it feels really strong and really good saying it, I'M READY!! And more than ever to live my life.
It's not that I don't feel the pain, it's just I'm not afraid of it anymore and I know you are not too. Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass but learning how to dance in the rain.
You've your whole life ahead of you, live it how it is or perhaps how you want it to be, live it, sweetie!!
"And remember the world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places" -Ernest Hemingway.
Just know that your tears aren't immortal, your dreams aren't mythical. If you're the bronze over the rainbow hustle hard until you're the rainbow itself. And that's WHY I'M BREATHING......?! And that's why you're breathing too......?!
Dark roads often lead to beautiful destinations, when God pushes you to the edge of difficulty trust him fully for he has a greater plan for you, everything happens at the exact moment it's supposed to.
Someday everything will make perfect sense, so for now. Smile through the hurt and trust the process and one day it'll all make sense.
Because Things that happen in life happen for a reason, Stay strong and trust God.
P.S. "Thank you for stopping by, hope it was worth your time and hope you liked it (I'd love to read any comments, so if you've one leave it down below) until next time Have a beautiful, magical wonderful day.