A Silent, Outspoken Note On My Desk.
"I don't feel good. This is the easiest way in which I can express how I feel. I'm losing passion in everything I once used to love. I wake up in the morning feeling empty. And let me say that it became more of a daily dillema for me to get out of my bed. I feel like I am carrrying the whole world on my shoulders. I find it hard to talk to anyone in the morning. I tend to stay silent most of the time until I get done with whatever I do so that I can be back home to my room to stay alone in silence. Whenevr someone asks me 'What's wrong?', I find nothing to say but 'nothing'. I am not getting what is happening to me. It's too hard for me to explain it to anyone. I got used to poeple's comments, assumptions and justifications about me and actually they urge sarcastic laughs within me. I am done with advices like 'do something you love' or 'go out with your friends' and such shallow phrases. I tried suhc things countlessly and here I am getting the same futile results. I don't want to see a doctor because I'm in no need for their useless advices and ineffective medications. All I want and all what I am thinking of is staying alone. I don't actually need your help or anyone's, but what terrifies me is that I began to fall in love with what I am going through. "
What you read above is a message that I received last night. I found it in my mailbox in a form of a letter. It seems that the sender wanted to make it imossible for me to know their real identity. I just wanted to share this with whoever reads my writings.
Actually, I don't see this message starnge or overly-depressive. It is simple, however, it shows its writers' silent suffering. It is too expressive to be considered as a mere depressive note from someone who feels down. It simply says what, I assume, all people are going through in modern life. They are stressed by all the surroundings. No matter how thier lives appear to be perfect and comfortable, no one sees what lies deep in their hearts.
People nowadays are more of plastic dolls who fake smiles and feelings. No one is satisfied or happy, they rather act to be so. In a stifling life, one is in continuous pursuit for happiness. We try to find oulets for our curbed feelings and unfulfilled wants. We seek security and momentous joy in the simplist details. We are too fragile to face and too restrained to fight.
Unfortunatley, we sometimes criticise one another for doing what makes us happy. We pass judgements and hasrh comments on people just because they seek happiness. I think that one was originally given the divine right to exist and be alive, so how on earth would they listen to others's instructions on how to live their lives?
There's no catalogue or an already-made model example for how one should live their life. One should get busy minding their own business and let others do what they think is right for them. In a harsh world, all we need as human beings is support, unconditional support.
Through support, you can help another soul to survive. To the one who sent me that note, I totally support you. I do thoroughly and unconditionally. I don't know your story and I'm not saying that I totally grasp what you really feel deep inside or what ypu are struggling against, but I'm stickiing to you. Maybe support is all I own, but I want you to be sure that I do pray for you. I hope we can both find inner peace and be able to prove that it does exist on earth, too.